I screwed up big time using three little words.
Andrew has been so obsessed with death and heaven lately. Last night while reading (we read every night without fail for at least thirty minutes), I had a massive headache. I mentioned to him that my head really hurt and to stop fidgeting around. He said, “Are you going to die?” I said, “No.” (At least not that night).
I read a few more lines. Andrew asks, “When you die, will you go to heaven?”. I said, “I hope so.” As soon as those three words were out of my mouth I knew I had f’d up and royally. “If you don’t go to heaven, where else would you go?”
It isn’t enough that my five year old Asperger’s inflicted son worries about everything under the sun, I have to add to his ever increasing list of worries and anxieties.
I tried to explain that heaven was a wonderful place full of light and love and our family is there. Then I said to the best of my ability that there is another place that really evil, mean people go. It’s dark and not very pleasant. To which he replied, “But mommy sometimes I’m mean.”
I had to spend thirty minutes assuring him he could never be THAT mean.
(I had this in a comment but it helps explain Andrew a little better.) Monday we arrive at therapy at Hofstra University(we go to three sessions a week, one individual, two group) – I pulled in a spot and a sign said “Visitors Only Violators Will Be Towed”…he almost started hyperventilating. “Mommy, please, please, please back out and find another spot”. (He’s been reading since 3 1/2). Even though I told him we were a visitor and not a student and we were okay – he couldn’t calm down until I moved. If we make a wrong turn when driving and someone slips up and says “oops we went the wrong way” – he becomes so worried “are we lost? are we lost?” He has finally stopped worrying about the “evil woman”. Sometimes things take weeks/months to pass – sometimes days. It’s a crap shoot
Tonight at book time he was extra nervous – kept sitting up. “Andrew what is wrong.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“That dark place.”
Three little words.
I calmed him down. We said our prayers and said a long prayer for the souls in Haiti.
I don’t know that my response would have been any different from yours…and I’m not sure you Fd up any more than any other parent would have. Being a parent is pretty much a blind-folded walk on a tight rope anyway. Your walk is harder than most-someone criscoed your rope and it amazes me how you well you manage to keep your balance.
My kid have kids and I still think of all the times I Fd up. You can’t unring the bell. Just keep moving forward…Chins up…
Thanks Bev. We try so hard not to say things that will trigger his anxiety but we always end up doing so! In the scheme of things, our rope is a walk bridge with cocktails along the way.