I am not a “food blogger”.
I will never have a cookbook deal.
I will never type a status that reads “that moment when”. Kill me now.
I will never beg any brand to give me something free. I’ll take it don’t get me wrong – but I will not beg.
I am a woman who loves to cook and bake and I will blog about that here and there along with a crispy order of autism with sarcasm on the side.
I will not write sappy prose that will cause tears to well up in your eyes and threaten to spill over.
I will not gaze out the window and see the swirling leaves cascading down covering the hard ground that will make you long for Spring.
I will never write a status that includes a letter to myself, signed to myself.
I will not share dozens upon dozens of pictures of witty sayings or cute animals.
I will, however, have to share Andrewisms – it’s in my contract.
I will never say food for cowboys, entitle something “the best ever” or have a giveaway where you have twelve chances, enter codes that you cannot read and give you a message that states “you are posting too quickly”. I also will not make you follow my blog, be my friend, follow me on twitter — I don’t give a shit.
I will never sign a post xo or love. I save that for people I love and xo.
I will never make something gluten free, sugar free, diary free, or taste free. If you have an allergy – you figure it out.
I will never write like this. Oh. My. God. I. couldn’t. stop. eating. them.
I will never use a hashtag. #hashtagsarestupid.
I think that is all I have, for now. Have a sunshiny day!
P.S. that wasn’t all….I will never, ever stuff a brownie or cookie with an Oreo. Oreos have rights too!
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!! Thank you for writing this. Thank you.
I love this post, I love you. I love everything you say. I am guilty of the chances thing for giveaways (what can I say, it’s part of the deal) but I will never do the code shit, or the raffle copter shit.
I will curse and swear and tell you I love you all the time, and I will write XOXOXO to you because if you were here I would hug and kiss you, in a straight way.
Seriously, I fucking love you.
Love you Blanche,
Dorothy
This is why I love you. You don’t whore yourself out. I’ve tried to whore myself out on giveaways, made me cringe, plus it didn’t work, LOL.
With every blog post I write I will think of you. Your words keep me grounded.
Damn, I love you girlfriend!
I <3 you to the moon and back! (Barf) But seriously….this should be more people’s credo. 🙂
And you will now make me think twice, sometimes I feel like a giant ho bag, (cookie spatula, wtf was I thinking) but I AM glad you won that scale that time. Thank you for making me think twice about myself and my blog.
Very. Good. Post.
#whatswrongwithhashtags #theyaregreateditorialasides
I feel the same way. You’ve read my rants but I did stuff a brownie with an Oreo!! LOL! I know you’ll forgive me!
But the oreo and reese stuffed brownies I made were rally good. 🙁
My comment about the Oreos – is that now everyone is sticking an Oreo in something and writing a post. Also, fifteen years ago – I made brownies and cookies stuffed with Oreos – fifteen years ago – I made chocolate chip cookie covered brownies and everything of that genre – it’s not rocket science. 🙂
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This is fantastic. My favorite one : “I will never write a status that includes a letter to myself, signed to myself. ” …people really do that?? For shame!
Read what you wrote on Holly Herrick’s Mother’s Day blog post. I understand. I really do.