Search Results for: All Under Heaven

My baby woke up at 3:00 screaming. I went into his bed. That bed is torture – we went for the extra firm when we switched Andrew from a crib to a big boy bed because that is the recommendation (it’s like the crib mattress) and we went full size because of the sleep issues (not often but enough). He wanted to get up at 3:30 – I said “no way only hookers are up at 3:30” (j/k). So he finally went back to sleep at 4:30 and I crawled back to my beautiful soft bed and my snoring bear husband.

At 4:40, Andrew screamed again for me. I woke up the bear (had beers with his friends — and beers and friends makes the bear growl louder), “please just go get him, take him to the bathroom and bring him here – I can’t lay down on that slab for another minute my back is killing me”. So the bear, jumps up – turns on all the lights – and says “Andrew get up, get up.” I scream, “For the love of God, do this quietly so he knows it is still the middle of the night and not reveille.” Like Jim spent any time in the military – Major Payne.

Andrew comes up to cuddle with me. He tells me he had a bad nightmare, a mean man cut him in half and I came to heaven to find him. I comforted him – I told him I would never let anyone hurt him and if he ever went to heaven – I would come and find him and to not be scared.

I remember reading The Lovely Bones – it broke my heart…now I can’t watch the previews for the movie – I’m sure it is a wonderful movie – maddening and heart wrenching – but I won’t watch it. I cannot watch any shows, movies or read any books that have anything to do with a child being hurt or dying — there are enough news stories that can wreck me – why should “entertainment” do that to me as well. I become totally without the ability to function. I have always been like that – remember decades ago when Jessica fell down the well…I couldn’t go to work without the radio on – I had to know the moment that girl was safe. I became obsessed with the Caylee Anthony case and the Madeleine McCann disappearance.

Everytime I turn the shower on and the cold water comes out for a second, I think of Nixzmary Brown – remember that sweet little girl? Beaten and abused and held under the cold freezing water in the bathtub. For a long time I cried when the water hit me, now I just think of her and pray.

Good heavens, it’s June 3rd.

Well let’s see since Friday I’ve been unofficially battling the dreaded “swine flu” – on Tamiflu, inhalers, etc. Now I’m going in for a chest x-ray and on antibiotics and they think oops – maybe they misdiagnosed me and I have pneumonia. I swear…most days I’m the bug. (You know, some days you’re the windshield, some days you’re the bug).

I mucked up and told my sister-in-law over the phone that Andrew wouldn’t be going to a friend’s party this weekend (because of germs – which I understand even though Andrew and Jim have no symptoms) and he cried.

My husband is being deloused as we speak – he was allowed back into work today – even though he worked from 7 a.m. to midnight each and every day including the weekends – I know I know – he’s lucky he has a job – but for fug’s (trying to be a kinder, gentler person) sake – the slaves had more freedom.

Off to have an x-ray. Party on friends.

For three days, Andrew begged to go to the carnival that was set up outside his school. He’s been to many festivals before. We took him on Saturday…an hour before the heavens broke loose and rain and thunder crashed down upon us.

He held his ears, he shook, he was terrified. It broke my heart (I know it breaks alot). He had a little fun in the mirror house (but was too scared to come down the slide a second time). He had fun on the big super slide with his dad. But every ride — he tried them all once and that was it…was scary for him.

Saturday afternoon we had a graduation party that I baked five different bars/brownies for and made penne with vodka sauce (for 50). It was for our nephew who graduated college. Andrew and I went over a few hours late – it would be too much for both of us to stay there 4 hours. I would have surely killed someone. But Andrew had a great time playing ball with his older cousins (I mean older – 20, 23 etc.) I dreaded it – I know what everyone was thinking why have you gained so much weight – let’s see – five miscarriages now, hormones, fertility drugs, stress, and NOT eating helped. I was hoping someone would ask me – so I could say – and “what happened to you?”

Thankfully, on Sunday there was a street fair near us – and Andrew got to jump in a few bouncy houses. He can’t do any of them where you have to go into a tight opening (the catepillar one for instance) or one where he has to climb up a rope – he has a hard time and freaks out if some other kid gets behind him. But he did have fun and was happy.

My husband is depressed. His job.

There are far worse things in the world – but right now – we’re just sad and tired.