It’s my pity party and I’ll cry if I want to….

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Really rough.

Andrew missed a friend’s birthday party on Sunday – so I called the mom yesterday and said – can we take B___ out for pizza to give her the birthday gifts we had. She said that would be so nice and proceeded to tell me that when they were doing the invitations they were worried that Andrew would do something weird and ruin her party. That made me cry all day. But nevertheless, we set up a play date for today with another friend to join us too.

This morning Andrew woke up in a hitting and name calling mood. I knew I should cancel — that Andrew would hold true to her expectations. But I didn’t because Andrew cried and he wanted to go. Plus I didn’t want her to think that we were all crazy – canceling the day after I set it up. Five phone calls this morning initiated by the other mom- and it was changed to us coming to their house to swim and have pizza. Originally, we were going to meet at the pizza place.

Andrew was okay for about 45 minutes – then the screaming began. Then he beat the crap out of me – and head butted me so hard in my face that I thought my nose was broken – I almost passed out. Just for the record – you do see stars. The mom made lots of comments. I was mortified and I looked at her and said – “well, you were right – he would have ruined your party”.

We left. I want to die.

We have four days next week in Mystic CT with his friend Timmy who he loves but fights with and treats like dirt. If we hadn’t prepaid – I would get out of this. It’s going to be hell.

Also for the record, I hate being like this – I hate being negative Nancy. I hate being exhausted. I hate crying all the time. I hate it. I love my son. I hate the autism.