The Cookbook Junkies

I love Saturday night because I love Sunday morning. Sunday morning Jim doesn’t have to rush out of bed before 6 a.m., take a shower and catch a train. I hate Sunday night because it means Monday morning starts another six days of Jim being gone for six entire days except for our fifteen minutes – “hi honey I’m home” at 9:30 p.m. talks. I use to be so angry about this. I use be so angry that I could never reach him – meetings, no reception at the data center that he works at on Saturdays or he is just too busy. My perspective has changed a bit now….I know that he will come home eventually.

My heart couldn’t bear the thought of him not coming home, of never hearing his voice again, of Andrew not telling him “I love you daddy. I miss you daddy.” My eyes well up now. My heart aches now thinking of Jennifer and the ache she must feel. I don’t “know” her. I haven’t been fortunate enough to give her the eight second hug but my heart still aches. I have worried about her and worried for her all week. I have prayed for her and I pray that I never have to experience her pain.

My sister-in-law went through this unbearable pain last year. Many women have gone through this pain…many men have too. We humans are strong. I feel Jennifer is strong.

I made an ugly pie. Even though I had an easy week compared to Jennifer’s. I had a busy week. Last week of Anchor camp, preparing Jim’s resume and some expense reports for him, collecting information about bed and breakfasts, collecting monies for the Anchor staff, making brownies for the camp, writing letters for the camp staff and volunteers, taking our elderly friend to the doctor, to the store, driving Andrew because the bus scares him, making soup for a friend who had surgery, making our dinners, feeding and bathing Andrew….it was busier than usual. But I made an ugly pie on Thursday night. I was too embarrassed to take a photo of it.

Tonight I made a trifle out of it – some brownies, some chocolate pudding, some pie – some whipped cream. I had taken a picture of Andrew eating a piece of the pie on Friday – it is posted above. Again, he thought it was beautiful. Last night, Jim had a small piece of the pie – he thought it was good.

Tonight, sometime, Jim will come home. He will eat dinner and have some trifle and watch his Giants pre-season game that I will tape for him and I will tell him I love him. He will come home and for that I am grateful.

I’m not a food blogger. I’m a great cook and baker (if I do say so myself). I love cookbooks and food blogs. I’m a mom who started this blog because I wanted to journal my experiences with autism and vent. Yes, I need to vent. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I’d give my shirt off my back, I’d do anything for anyone – but I like to K’vetch. I’m Jenny, I’m Catholic and I like to K’vetch.

That being said, I’m a follower of many wonderful blogs and bloggers. One of the food bloggers I follow, Jennifer Perillo, www.injennieskitchen.com, lost her husband suddenly last Sunday. She has asked that everyone make a pie for Mikey today, to not put off living and loving because you are “too busy”. I made a pie last night and it was late and it looks ugly (not to Andrew – he thinks it looks amazing). I’m going to make another one today and post a picture in the next day or two.

It’s the last day of Camp Anchor – and I just can’t tell you all how wonderful those young people who work and volunteer there are. The staff in the office — amazing, the bus drivers, the lifeguards and the campers–such overwhelming love I have for them all. For the first time ever, Andrew told me today, “I believe in myself.” You know what baby, I believe in you too. Always. We have love and thanks to Jennie – I will remember that every day. Love and kindness…the only things that matter.

Love each other,

Jenny

I’m a bad blogger. Bad. Bad. Bad.

What has happened since Mother’s Day? School ended, Jim is working 14 plus hours a day, six days a week and then on the seventh sleeping(sorta like God – just joking no lightning bolts), Andrew graduated first grade and then started Camp Anchor (amazing place more on that later) and summer has almost passed us by. (Hooray – I’m a Fall girl).

Andrew has been “off” and “on”. He had a bad spell of hitting and screaming and that has passed – he has lost his trip to Legoland in November. The last two weeks – he has been anxiety ridden, scared of his shadow, sobbing, jumping, flapping and depressed but he isn’t hitting! He has wanted to spend almost every minute alone – every time anyone goes near him – he walks away. He has taken to hiding out in his room with the door closed – sometimes under his covers on the bed. We’ve talked and I’ve tried to comfort him – but sometimes he just wants to be alone – I can relate.

Camp Anchor is a truly remarkable place. You can read about it here http://www.campanchor.org/ . My heart is happy when I am there. I would work there full time as a volunteer doing anything. I can’t say enough about the vibe of that organization. Love it.

We have a new goal we are going to start fixing up the house, packing up, painting, doing the floors etc. and then look into buying a bed and breakfast somewhere. We have all kinds of thoughts for this to supplement our income and if Jim has to he can always do IT work while I run the B & B. We don’t mind hard work. Life is hard work.

I hope everyone is having a great summer.