The Cookbook Junkies

What a burden.

First our friend, Ankit and then his friend, S (what is that like Prince, Cher, Madonna…the symbol formerly known as Prince?)….now my friend Tina is thinking of blogging. I’ve always been a leader….

My husband and his best friend, Pete, are having multiple orgasms (and they said men couldn’t have them) because Van Halen is reuniting with Roth for a concert tour starting in May. My husband already packed his suitcase. I can’t say I have ever felt that way about any musical artist. I did love Luther Vandross and saw him in St. Louis (Sinbad opened for him). Before his stroke, he came to NY and I begged my husband to go see him with me…but he is just way too Caucasian to enjoy a gay, black male singing love songs…oh boy that man could sing. Now Luther is gone and I will hold that over my husband’s head for the rest of his life.

At the St. Louis concert, I sat in front of a very, very large lady who kept screaming out “drag me across the floor, Luther”…I’m not sure what that would have done for her – but I know it would have put Luther’s back right out or caused a cardiac episode. That concert, Jackson Browne and Paul Simon — my favorites. I guess, I haven’t really seen too many – I’m afraid to admit – I saw Hank Williams Jr. twice when I was younger….Bocephus…loved him too, saw Alabama (may have been the same concert), saw Tonic at a small club in St. Louis and that is probably it. I love music – don’t love annoying people in bad t-shirts standing in front of me, behind me and around me – singing …I didn’t pay $49.50 to hear bad karaoke.

Okay, I’ve spent the better part of today looking for the damn letter “Q”. That alphabet train puzzle that Andrew does 32 times a day – “Q” is missing. (Reminds me of the Sesame Street parody on Law and Order – Special Letters Unit – “SLU” – I need to call them in – can you describe the “Q” – well, it’s round and has a backwards comma on the bottom of it – and it’s on the lamb.” Suddenly you hear baa baa in the background.

Now we have the number train too – he saw it at Marshalls and flipped out. Letters and numbers – did you ever think a parent would complain about a child wanting to play with letters and numbers all day…it’s not that I mind that – it’s just he needs me there to supervise – (missing letters etc.) – when he plays trucks – I don’t need to be there to be the pit crew – I can be scrubbing the toilet.

So we do matching games (letters and numbers), alphabet games, number games…all day long…every day…day in and day out. He better be a rich writer or scientist and buy me a big fancy house for all this educational stuff!

We signed up for a toddler play program yesterday at the Police Athletic League in New Hyde Park. The teacher Miss Bess – is a tiny thing with a big whistle. They seem to listen more times than not. Either yesterday or Tuesday at class, kids were running everywhere and someone said they would need Tylenol before teaching the class – I said, “I would need a Morphine drip” to do it.

Well, I’m doing everything possible to get the ABC/123 Prodigy to use the potty – every night before he takes a bath he pees on the potty – but he likes to “poop in the corner” as he puts it. Every day he tries to find something new to freak me out “I like my poopy diaper.” “I like my stinky cup.” (If I find his cup all gross and laying in the corner.) Today, while wiping him and changing his diaper…he was complaining – I told him, “don’t you want to be all clean and not be stinky anymore”…he said, “No, I like to eat my poop.” Dear God, he hasn’t but he says things to get a rise out of me – honestly – I’m not making this up – he waits for my reaction.

I know he would never try to eat anything of that nature – because he freaks out when he gets chocolate icing on his fingers from a cupcake and he loves those. “Wipe my hands mommy….Dry my hands mommy.”

Off to make supper. The baby onesie cookies are done! Hooray!

Tonight I can do nothing but read cookbooks and watch brainless television. God Bless America!

I’ve been up to my elbows in cranky, biting toddlers, decorating cookies and cooking something “new” every night. I have 500 cookbooks – I should start making something different every night so I can hope to get through a few dozen of them before I die.

I have to go get dinner going. Andrew is napping for the first time in FOREVER and I can’t get over the eerie quiet. I love being Andrew’s mom – but it’s nice not to hear Mommy every 45 seconds followed by a blood curdling scream and/or the sound of a matchbox car hitting the front window.

I’ll be back to rant soon.