The Cookbook Junkies

My husband told me sometime ago that he had won $50 in a hockey raffle for his boss’ son. I assumed that he had gotten the money…for some reason we were talking about it last night. He said that he never got the money…and he said his boss just probably forgot.

I said, “Drop subtle reminders….I’ll get that report right to you but first I have to RAFFLE though some papers…Did I tell you we’re having another child – we’re going to name him Raff…eal….” Jim said, “I’m going to the roof and will raf–fle I mean repel myself down the side..” – okay those last two are pushing it…but he said he would never ask him about it – because he might embarrass his boss…I said, “Embarrassed hell…fifty dollars is fifty dollars…tell him ‘hey did you hear that 50 cent is changing his name to 50 dollar’….” His boss had sent him an e-mail telling him he won….I told him to forward back the e-mail to him (like bosses do) and ask him the status of this? Or when his boss comes again for raffle ticket sales — just tell him to use the winnings from the last raffle and “let it ride”.

Our son, is a mini-Jim. He will do anything for a laugh. I have these clog shoes that I wear all the time – he grabbed them yesterday and ran and then put them on – “look at me…look at me…I need a hat.” Then he went to the shoe bench by the back door – and tried on every shoe – with Jim’s Mets hat on. He was so proud of himself for making us laugh. He’s his generation’s answer to Jerry Lewis.

He’s been biting and hitting again. Yesterday – he was put in the corner for hitting me (he has spent a lot of time in the corner) and we try to talk to him – while he is sobbing uncontrollably about being punished so severely … and we tell him “Biting (or hitting) hurts and it makes the other person feel bad. You can’t bite or hit anyone.” He says, “I can bite John”. (His little friend). “No, you can’t bite anyone.” Then he goes down the list of people hoping that he’ll “hit” one he can bite. I’m exhausted.

My husband’s father died of stomach cancer. His sister died of colon cancer – was diagnosed in March of 2004 and died September 4, 2004 – it was aggressive and fast growing – she was 52.

After much nagging and bitching on my part, my husband finally got his colonoscopy. The doctor said it was good that he came so early (he’s 41). They removed 12 polyps. Polyps are mostly benign – but this scares me. Two of Jim’s siblings had colonscopies – no polyps. Mary Ellen (the sister who died) had polyps. I’m worried. We’ll know next week.

I go to sleep last night – and Jim is still puttering around the house. Suddenly, I’m having this horrible dream that this hairy, wet dog was kissing and licking my face…and then I’m half awake and I realize it’s my husband. He has to get rid of this beard – I can’t be woken up at midnight for a booty call by Scooby Doo…and then all during the “activity” I want to laugh thinking that I thought Scooby Doo was kissing me and I had to stifle the urge to say “Good boy….good boy..roll over.. do you want a scooby snack?”… Afterwards, I tell Jim and we laugh and he said, “Oh God your blog tomorrow!” It’s a dog eat dog world.