The Cookbook Junkies

As most of you may know, we are in the midst of having our bathroom renovated – gutted and made new.

Way back in April, we were promised a start date of July 30. We were also told that they would start on Monday – and be done by Friday. My husband scheduled vacation.

As 7/30 approached, we grew leery when our contractor, Marius (Greek, off the boat) didn’t return our calls, we finally got a call (after we called several times) that they couldn’t start until Thursday or Friday (maybe) of that week.

After consideration – we decided to postpone until week of Sept. 3rd – we told Marius that we would reschedule to help them out – if they guaranteed they could begin on Monday – Labor Day Sept. 3rd – Marius said after he spoke with Mark (partner, owner, golf pro? (looks like Tiger Woods I’m told)) that they would start on Labor Day – and he spoke to Demo Man – and everything would be okay. Our wonderful neighbors were going on vacation and we were to take care of their dog and house – the poor dog died two weeks before vacation (we miss her) but our neighbors (who are more like family to me) still are letting us use their showers, etc.—even after returning from their vacation – we still have a key and are welcome to come over.

September 1st – we call and Marius said – “oh, Monday that’s Labor Day”…duh no kidding. Monday September 3rd would be Labor Day. So we were told demo would start Tuesday and then the plumber and Marius would be here immediately after – to begin framing and plumbing. The demo was done by 11 a.m. – Marius was to be here immediately after….guess what? Plumber shows up at 3:15 to say “howdy and he’ll be back in the morning” and I swear to God I think he wanted a cup of tea…and Marius shows up at 7 p.m. for the deposit money.

The next day Marius was to come and begin framing immediately after plumber and electrician done (electrician only here because I had a fit as we were told the electrician was so busy he couldn’t get here until Thursday – well being a bitch pays off). By 2:30 both guys done – electrician calls Marius – Marius will NOW come Thursday bright and early.

In Greece, bright and early, must be 9:45 (all that Ozo makes one reluctant to get out of bed)…he arrives with his father who is visiting from Greece and speaks no English. I swear he talks to me and he’s telling me to “go to hell”…they worked until 7 – but had to leave for a couple hours to have lunch and get supplies. Promised me framing and all sheet rock and taping, spackling, etc. would be done – and they would start tiling. He didn’t even finish sheet rock. I’m not saying he didn’t work hard or do good work – just stating that if perhaps he had another man here that could help him more effectively – everything would have been done as promised. His poor dad – reminds me of the ancient dentist that Tim Conway portrayed on the Carol Burnett show…he shuffles around, seems like he is going to collapse and you can’t understand him.
On Friday Marius shows up at 7:30 – but only works until 2 – because he has another job to get to. He promises me he’ll come Saturday to catch up. You know what is coming next, Saturday – no show – we call – he is so tired he went to a karate show??? And couldn’t get up…because he didn’t go to bed until 4 a.m. – what kind of karate show lasts until 4 a.m.?
Now it is Tuesday – Monday he worked until almost 8 – but it took 5 hours to get two tiles in due to the drill bit – but after that things are going more smoothly. Those first five hours – I was sure I was never, going to see that bathroom done…and I wanted to call HGTV and speak to the Producers of “Over Your Head” and cry and beg OR Oprah was in town and I thought maybe I could convince her to mention something to David Letterman on her season premiere….I’m a good person, I help a lot of people and do nice things – why shouldn’t a celebrity help me? Just because I don’t live in a mud hut in a rainforest doesn’t mean I don’t have needs….

Andrew, our 3 year old has Aspergers, frequently yells at them “go away”, “I want to bite the workman”, “I want my dirty bathtub back”, “our bathroom is a big hole”… The little Greek dad still is shuffling and muttering something to me in Greek and Marius – tells me repeatedly I don’t know how bad it is…he wants to cry. I told him “I have a box of tissues, brother, come join me”.

This is now “My Big Fat Greek Bathroom”, a new reality series, coming soon to Bravo.

I was so f*ing sick last night – chills, aches, sore throat – this is the second time in 6 weeks – I have recurring fluitis. Jim got me Ibuprofen and lozenges – I hope in a gesture to make me feel better – but probably so I’d stop the f*ing moaning.

Andrew cried out several times – he’s not feeling well either. We are going to Breezy Point – to the tiny bungalow that is taken over by our 21 year old niece and where 10 large people will be hanging out all day. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy….I can hear the notes to Ode to Joy in my head….love Ode to Joy.

It’s the 31st of August – Jim & I are married five years today. Sister-in-laws called and said “did you do anything special today?” “Why, yes…I cooked 6 racks of ribs, a huge tray of home made mac and cheese, shucked 10 ears of corn, made two dozen almond cupcakes with caramel frosting and a pan of chocolate chip cookie dough brownies for the annual family Madri Gras day at the beach tomorrow.” They laughed…they didn’t ask me to do it – but they are indecisive about things – and they are going through enough–that I did it. Not complaining – but funny that they ask…I also took Andrew to the park and to his friend Melissa’s house. He loves going to his friend’s houses.

I made 50 Christening cookies – for our adopted Grandpa Bud & Aunt Florence – his 3 month grandson’s Christening is Sunday – they turned out beautiful and everyone was surprised.

Regarding our anniversary, I told Jim no card, no flowers, no nothing…but something would have been nice – so I ordered myself a pan. Hi, I’m Jenny, and I’m addicted to all things kitchen and home related.

Jim is depressed. He works so hard all the time, gets calls all the time, worries all the time…for what – for the pride of doing a fantastic job and paying a 3K mortgage for a small house in Long Island. He’s exhausted. I’m exhausted because he works all the time, gets calls all the time, worries all the time and I do my normal mother, wife and now home improvement duties. I want to get a job at night to help, I want to get a job so he can maybe find something that isn’t going to kill him before 50 – but he won’t let me…so we trudge on.

Again I’m sick – very sore throat, cough, aches and miserable. For a while today, I was afraid I was going to die…then I was afraid I wasn’t.

Life goes on and I’m going to bed – it’s 8:30 on a Friday night. P-A-R-T-Y.

On a positive note, Britney’s newly released single is a huge hit. Happy happy for K-Fed’s divorce attorney.

Best line I read this week – Rosie O’Donnell’s blog about Sen. Craig “Saggy Senator Seeks Sucking”. NOT GAY, NOT GAY, NOT GAY — we’re going to start printing that on our currency.